I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
