I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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