More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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