just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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