It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
