Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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