The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
