nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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