I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
