How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
