I love black thongs
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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