So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
