i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
