my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize