also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
