Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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