yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
