how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
