There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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