I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
