Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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