Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
