My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
