Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
