I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
