It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
