So drunk its hurt
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
