Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
