When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
