I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
