there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
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You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
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He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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