Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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