I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
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I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
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My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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