like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
