..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
