So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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