yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just high enough for therapy.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
