all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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