I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I love having hate sex.
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If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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