So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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