We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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