he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
