I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
