I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
