my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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