Three words: puerto rican gang bang
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
