what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
