Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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