Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
