That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
