I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
