thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My liver just broke up with me...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
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He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
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For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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