God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
