I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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