Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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