i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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