id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Barsexuality is the new black.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
