he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
