using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
