My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
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There r osticjed everywhere
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
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Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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