Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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