apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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