I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize