At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
