Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
