You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
