All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
