i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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