my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i think i have two assholes
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Dignity is for republicans.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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