i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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