Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
