So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
