I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
pray to the hookup gods
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
