ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
