Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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