I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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