Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
