Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I FOUND THE LEGS
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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