Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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